Ñòðàíèöà 100 èç 327 ÏåðâàÿÏåðâàÿ ... 509096979899100101102103104110150200 ... ÏîñëåäíÿÿÏîñëåäíÿÿ
Ðåçóëüòàòû ñ 2,476 ïî 2,500 èç 8153

Òåìà: Âñåðàçëè÷íûå ñåòåâûå ïðèêîëû :)

  1. #2476
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð Amorph
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Oct 2004
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    ÑÏá
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    10,926
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îí
    Òåõ, êòî äðóæèò ñ ïðåñòóïëåíüåì, âñåõ óòþæèò ÷åðíûé Ëåíèí!!!

  2. #2477
    Koros84
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    óæàñ êàêîé

  3. #2478
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð Amorph
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Oct 2004
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    ÑÏá
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    10,926
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îí

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Íàâåñèëè ôóíêöèè Ì×Ñ íà 01. Ïî òåëåêó ðåêëàìà ïðîøëà-"Íàðîäíàÿ ñëóæáà ñïàñåíèÿ âñåãäà ïðèäåò íà ïîìîùü!" è ïðî÷àÿ ïóðãà. À ìû - "Ñêîðàÿ". Ïîñòóïàåò âûçîâ: Ëåæèò â öåíòðå îçåðà. Óìåð? Ïðèåçæàåì - ëåæèò â öåíòðå îçåðà íà ëüäó ìóæè÷åê. Àêêóðàòíåíüêî ëåæèò, êîëåñî ïîä ñåáÿ ïîëîæèë, à ðÿäûøêîì äâå ïóñòûõ áóòûëî÷êè. Áàáóøêè îêðåñòíûå, ÷óÿ ïîòåõó, ÷óòü íå ïèíêàìè íàñ íà ëåä âûãîíÿþò, ñâîëî÷àìè îáçûâàþò. À ëåäîê ó áåðåãà óæå ïîäòàÿë. Âûçûâàåì, äîëãî îáüÿñíÿåì äèñïåò÷åðó, ïî÷åìó ìû èäèîòû íå æåëàåì ïîâòîðèòü ïîäâèã ïñîâ-ðûöàðåé. Ïðèåçæàåò 3 ïîæàðíûõ ìàøèíû, äâå "Âîëãè" ñ ãåíåðàëàìè è âèäåîàïïàðàòóðîé. Ñòîÿò, ñèòóàöèþ îöåíèâàþò. Ñëûøó ðÿäîì ðàçãîâîð,-Âàñü, à ó íàñ âåðåâêà åñòü? Íàõðåíà?-óäèâëÿåòñÿ Âàñÿ. -À âäðóã ïðîâàëèòñÿ! Õ...ÿ, ïðèäóìàåì! È âåäü ïðèäóìàëè! Ñ êðèêàìè,-À íó, äîë...á, óÿ.. é îòòóäà, à òî ñåé÷àñ óòîïèì íà õ..é, è íà÷èíàþò áðîñàòü â íåãî ïàëêè è ïðî÷èé ïðèáðåæíûé ìóñîð. Ñðàáîòàëî! Ïðîñíóëñÿ áîëåçíûé, è îäíîìó åìó èçâåñòíûìè òðîïàìè ñâàëèë ïî òèõîìó. 911 îòäûõàåò!
    Òåõ, êòî äðóæèò ñ ïðåñòóïëåíüåì, âñåõ óòþæèò ÷åðíûé Ëåíèí!!!

  4. #2479
    RGP Member, Administrator Àâàòàð Serega_M
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Aug 2004
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    Ìîñêâà, Ðîññèÿ
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    10,045
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îí

    Áîëüøîé ïàëåö ââåðõ ß ðæàë! :)









    Íèêàêèõ ïîäïèñåé!

  5. #2480
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð Amorph
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Oct 2004
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    ÑÏá
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    10,926
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îí

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Æåñòü, áåç ïèçäû
    Òåõ, êòî äðóæèò ñ ïðåñòóïëåíüåì, âñåõ óòþæèò ÷åðíûé Ëåíèí!!!

  6. #2481
    Nekto Nemo
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    ñóïåð!!!

  7. #2482
    Koros84
    Ãîñòü

    Ñìåõ

    ðæàë!

  8. #2483
    Freizeiter
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ The last one is my favourite

    Great moments in court

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Great moments in court

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.


    Q: What is your date of birth?

    A: July 15th

    Q: What year?

    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes

    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    A: I forget

    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.


    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?

    Q: And why did that upset you?

    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.


    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes
    Q: And what were you doing at the time?


    Q: She had three children, right?

    A: Yes

    Q: How many were boys?

    A: None.

    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


    Q: Can you describe the individual?

    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay?
    Q: What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.


    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

    Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?

    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

    A: No.

    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

    A: No.

    Q: Did you check for breathing?

    A: No.

    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

    A: No.

    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

  9. #2484

  10. #2485
    Îêåàí ïå÷àëè
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Ñïèñîê æåíñêèõ ãðåõîâ äëÿ èñïîâåäè. ×åì äàëüøå - òåì óãàðíåå.

    http://andrejev.tripod.com/spisok_grehov.htm

    Ç.Û. À âû íàçíà÷àëè ñâèäàíèÿ íà êëàäáèùàõ?

  11. #2486
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð Elm
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Apr 2006
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    Ñàíêò - Ïåòåðáóðã
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    3,233
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îíà

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Nekto Nemo Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå
    Óæàñíî.Èäèîò.
    Åñëè ó âàñ íåò ÷óâñòâà þìîðà,òî ó âàñ äîëæíî áûòü ÷óâñòâî,÷òî ó âàñ íåò ÷óâñòâà þìîðà.

  12. #2487
    Nekto Nemo
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Elm Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå
    Óæàñíî.Èäèîò.
    Åñëè ó âàñ íåò ÷óâñòâà þìîðà,òî ó âàñ äîëæíî áûòü ÷óâñòâî,÷òî ó âàñ íåò ÷óâñòâà þìîðà.


    ÷åãî òàêîãî òî?))

  13. #2488
    caacrinolaas
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Nekto Nemo Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå


    ÷åãî òàêîãî òî?))
    âåñåëûå ðàññêàçû! îõóåííî âåñåëî!

  14. #2489
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð Elm
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Apr 2006
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    Ñàíêò - Ïåòåðáóðã
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    3,233
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îíà

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Nekto Nemo Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå


    ÷åãî òàêîãî òî?))
    Íåò,íó ó êîãî-òî ìîæåò è âåñåëèò îïèñàíèå ïåðåìåùåíèÿ äëèííîãî çåëåíîãî îâîùà â ïîëîâîé îðãàí ïîäâåøåííîé æåíùèíû,íî íå ìåíÿ

  15. #2490
    Îêåàí ïå÷àëè
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Elm Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå
    Óæàñíî.Èäèîò.
    Åñëè ó âàñ íåò ÷óâñòâà þìîðà,òî ó âàñ äîëæíî áûòü ÷óâñòâî,÷òî ó âàñ íåò ÷óâñòâà þìîðà.
    Áëÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ, ÿ ñòàë àíòèôàøèñòîì..

  16. #2491
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð Elm
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Apr 2006
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    Ñàíêò - Ïåòåðáóðã
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    3,233
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îíà

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    ßçûêîâîé áàðüåð

    Òðàõå íåãðî ïàðà ìè íèåòà - ׸ðíîå ïëàòüå äëÿ ìîåé âíó÷êè(èñï.)
    Õåðíÿ (Herna) - áèëëèàðäíàÿ(÷åø.)
    ßéöà íà î÷è - ÿè÷íèöà-ãëàçóíüÿ (áîëã.)
    Øàñ î åáó - Ñïðÿ÷ü ñîâó (ôðàíö.)
    Hèä î åáó - Ãíåçäî ñîâû (ôðàíö.)
    ïèçä'àíâîëü - Âçëåòíàÿ ïîëîñà (ôðàíö.)
    àòüåáó áèëÿäèíà - Ñàìàÿ êðàñèâàÿ ñòðàíà (àðàáñê.)
    ñîáàêàõåð ìóäàðèñåí - Çäðàâñòâóé ó÷èòåëü (àðàáñê.)
    ñÓêè - Ëþáèìûé(ÿïîíñê.)
    ñÎñèìàñ¸ - Äîãîâîðèëèñü (ÿïîíñê.)
    ìÓäå âÈñíåò - Ïîêàç ìîä (øâåäñê.)
    õóåìîðà - Äîáðîå óòðî(àôðèêàíîñ.)
    õóéêè - Âåùè÷êè(àôðèêàíîñ.)
    íà õóé õèïÎ - Ñïîêîéíîé íî÷è (êèòàéñê.)
    õóé öçÿíü - äî ñâèäàíèÿ (êèòàéñê.)
    Huesos - Êîñòî÷êè (èñï.)
    ßëäà - «äåâî÷êà»(èâðèò)
    Òàìõóé - áëàãîòâîðèòåëüíàÿ ñòîëîâàÿ(èâðèò)
    ìóäàê - îáåñïîêîåí(èâðèò)
    äàõóé - îòñðî÷åííûé(èâðèò)
    Ìîæåòå âûïèñàòü äîõóÿ - ò.å Ìîæåòå âûïèñàòü îòñðî÷åííûé ÷åê Ñõó¸ò - ïðàâà(èâðèò)
    Èí õóëèî ïèäàðàñ îõóýëîñ - (In Julio pidaras ohuelos)  èþëå áëèí÷èêàìè îáúåñòüñÿ (ïîðòóã.)
    Õåð ìàíä àíûá õóþá - Õàðàêòåð êàæäîãî áûêà (òóðåöê.)
    Óñðàò àõóé àòúåáèôè áèëÿäè - Ñåìüÿ ìîåãî áðàòà - ëó÷øàÿ â ñòðàíå (àðàá.)
    Õóé ëþ ëþ õóëè èáó èáó õóé ñóøè - Ãðÿçíî-ñåðàÿ ëèñà øàã çà øàãîì âîçâðàùàåòñÿ â îáùåæèòèå (êèò.)
    Èáó èáóäè - õóéäàî ìóäè - Øàã çà øàãîì ìîæíî äîñòèãíóòü öåëè(êèò.)
    Éî òðàõî òðàõå - (Yo trajo traje) ß ïðèí¸ñ êîñòþì (ïîðòóã.)
    Äîåáè - ñóááîòà (ÿïîí.)
    Peace Dance - Òàíåö ìèðà (àíãë.)
    Èáóèáó äý äàî ìóäè - Øàã çà øàãîì ê íàìå÷åííîé öåëè (êèòàéñê.)
    Ebbene - Èòàê (èòàë.)
    Éîááàð (Jobbar) - ðàáîòàòü (øâåäñêèé, åñòåñòâåííî))
    Òðàáàõàð (Trabajar) - ðàáîòàòü (èñï.)
    Pereibar - çàïðåùàòü (èòàë.)
    Ebedelni - îáåäàòü (âåíãð.)
    Near Bird - «ðÿäîì ïòèöà»(àíãë.) Óïîòðåáëÿåòñÿ â âûðàæåíèÿõ «À ìåíÿ ýòî Near_Bird!»
    Chop is dish - «Êîòëåòà - ýòî åäà» (àíãë.)
    bardak - ñòàêàí (òóðåöêîå) Áëþ âîòà (Blue water) - ãîëóáàÿ âîäà (àíãë.)
    Óðîäà - Êðàñîòà (ïîë.)
    Øà óèáó - êîøêà èëè ñîâà (ôð.)
    Huerte - îãîðîä (èñï.) Figlio perduto - ïîòåðÿííûé ñûí (èòàë.)
    Áëÿéáåí - îñòàâàòüñÿ (íåì.)
    Èõ áëÿéáå çåð ãóò - ÿ õîðîøî ñîõðàíèëñÿ (íåì.)
    Îõóýëà - (Hojuela) - Áëèí (èñï.)
    Áëÿéõ - áëåäíûé (íåì.)
    Ebeniste - ñòîëÿð-êðàñíîäåðåâùèê (âåíãð.)
    Ebahi - èçóìèòüñÿ (âåíãð.)
    More dark? Some more dark. (Ìîäàê? Ñàì ìîäàê.) - î ïèâå: «Áîëåå òåìíîå? Håìíîãî áîëåå òåìíîå.» (àíãë.)
    Kaka - ïèðîæíîå (øâåä.)
    Õóýâà ïåéâà -äîáðûé äåíü (ôèíñêèé) (íà ñëýíãå - Õóÿâà ïèÿâà)
    Pedestrians - Ïåøåõîäû (àíãë.) Ñêëåï - ìàãàçèí (ïîëüñê.) óïîòð. â ôðàçàõ: «ñåãîäíÿ â ñêëåïå ìÿñî êîí÷èëîñü, îñòàëèñü òîëüêî êîñòè íà áóëüîí…»
    Åbauche - íàáðîñîê(ôð.)
    Hè õóé áó õóé - Òû âîçâðàùàåøüñÿ? (êèòàéñê.)
    Mandar - ïîñûëàòü (èñï.)
    Huile - ìàñëî (ôð.)
    Cuchara - ëîæêà (èñï.)
    Huis - êàëèòêà (ôð.)
    Eber - ÷óòêèé (âåíãð.)
    Mando - êîìàíäîâàíèå (èñï.)
    Ìîíäà (Mandag) - ïîíåäåëüíèê (øâåä.)
    Òóõëàÿ ïîéêà - áëóäíûé ñûí (ôèí.)
    Ñâàëêà (svalka)- ïðîõëàäà (øâåä.)
    Ãëþê - ñ÷àñòüå (íåì.)
    ¨ëîïóêêè - Äåä Ìîðîç (ôèí.)
    Äÿäî Ìðàç - Äåä Ìîðîç (áîëã.)
    Ìèíüåòòà (Min hjarta) - ìî¸ ñåðäöå (øâåä.)
    Ïàëêà (Palkka) - Çàðïëàòà (ôèí.) (Ïîëó÷èë ïàëêó - ðàñïèøèñü!)
    Ëèïóí (Lipun) - Áèëåò (ôèí.)
    Ñóêëà (suklaa) - Øîêîëàä (ôèí.)
    Ëîõè (lohi) - Ëîñîñü (ôèí.)
    Ëåíèíêè (Leninki) - Ïëàòüå (ôèí.)
    Áóíäåñðàò - Äóìà (íåì)
    ßìà - Ãîðà (ÿï.)

  17. #2492
    Nekto Nemo
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Îêåàí ïå÷àëè Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå
    Áëÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ, ÿ ñòàë àíòèôàøèñòîì..
    òîãäà óæ ïëþñ êî âñåìó è áäñìùèêîâ óáèâàòü íàäî?

  18. #2493

  19. #2494

  20. #2495
    Çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûé ïîëüçîâàòåëü Àâàòàð A-lex
    Äàòà ðåãèñòðàöèè
    Sep 2005
    Ïðîæèâàåò
    Â êîìíàòå
    Ñîîáùåíèé
    7,911
    Îí/Îíà/Îíî? - Îí

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    ëþáëþ ýòó âîò òåìêó
    Mutter, der Mann mit dem Koks ist da!

  21. #2496
    Nekto Nemo
    Ãîñòü

  22. #2497
    Gothic Lady
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Nekto Nemo Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå
    Îôèãåòü êàê âåñåëî!

  23. #2498

  24. #2499

  25. #2500
    Vandermast
    Ãîñòü

    Ïî óìîë÷àíèþ

    Öèòàòà Èçíà÷àëüíî îïóáëèêîâàíî Nekto Nemo Ïîêàçàòü ñîîáùåíèå

Òåãè ýòîé òåìû

Ïðàâà ïóáëèêàöèè

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